Here are the NMS Obituaries and Survivors’ List. Written based on how I remember you either by characteristics, interactions, observations (on what you do, where you go when you pass by my area, etc), job description or opinion. FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY. Please don’t take it personally… Peace, Peace, Peace, Peace!

Obituaries:

  1. Rachel Ann Alejo: Died of Flatulent Gastritis (Kabag)
  2. Ermae Bautista: Died of a “Hello Kitty” Nightmare now called the “Pink P*ssy Death”
  3. Merlene Leano: Died from an extreme case of Lockjaw
  4. Jennifer Francisco: Died of OLD AGE
  5. April Sarah Mamaril: Murdered by her New P.A./Died from lack of sleep due to twitter addiction
  6. Karlo Andrei R. Aguilar: Died of a Broken Heart L Which doctors now call “Cardio Aguilaric Distress” Karlo leaves behind his gigantic Mac.
  7. Jun Caguioa: Killed by workmates for excessive teasing and bullying. Primary suspects are Sarah Mamaril and Erwilyn Lei Solito.
  8. Rosanna Leal: Died – A Virgin
  9. Joseph Dequila: Died of complications stemming from Cosmetic Surgery
  10. Christian Reyes: Succumbed to horrible indigestion from the massive amounts of food he consumed
  11. Donniecar Gesmundo aka “Yosi yosi”: Died of nicotine withdrawal resulting from the implemented “Smoke-free Baguio” program
  12. Ignacio “Lars” Laron: Hit by a motorist while crossing the street at night. (the motorist was quoted as saying “He was too dark… I didn’t see him.”)
  13. Ian Jason De La Cruz: Died from a combination of alcohol poisoning and sexually transmitted diseases
  14. Freda Lee Cara: Killed by Rosanna Leal for asking her for a “cup of boobs”
  15. Bryan Balintec aka Bry-B./Lintec Ba: Smothered by Ashley’s Boobs
  16. Razelle Cuevas aka “RazCue”: Died when NMS rescue personnel were unable to save her when she drowned in the bathroom
  17. Earnest Gonzales: Stress-induced Suicide from all the projects and revisions PRComms demands of him
  18. Micheal Peta: Died when he accidentally swallowed his toothpick
  19. Vincent Bambico: Died of ACUTE HEMORRHAGIC PANCREATITIS from an extended Power Nap
  20. Karlo Adrianne R. Aguilar: Died of “Cardio Aguilaric Distress” just like his older brother. Den-den leaves behind two Gigantic Nipples.
  21. Marcelino Rosario: Died… Period
  22. Xavier Arobo: Murdered by his Landlady for not paying rent on time
  23. Christian Aligo: Died… a WOMAN
  24. ErwilynLei A. Solito: Committed Suicide in the name of the band WestLife
  25. Nolan Bello aka “Nolabels”: Murdered by his secret admirer (Jerico Parinas)
  26. Joseph Torres: Died when Sarah accidentally sat on him while watching TV at home.
  27. Rowena Noza: Suffered an aneurism from extreme attendance and schedule adherence monitoring. Died while checking the Biometrics.
  28. Rudy C. Aspilan Jr. aka “intayo ag-shot”: Died of “acute ethanol intoxication”
  29. Percival Abellera Jr.: Murdered by CHUCKY
  30. Geebee Nollora: This “Balik-bayan” died of Sarah-induced exasperation (or whatever “kunsumisyon” is in freakin English).
  31. Caroline Frias: Died… in Silence.
  32. Kromel Del Mundo: Died of a Penis-related vivid nightmare.
  33. Ryan Del Rosario aka “Boy Tango”/”Mr. Nod”: Died because he doesn’t say “Hi” to me when I see him leaving the office as I enter work. P.S.: Stop nodding and say start saying “Good Morning” (LOL)
  34. Dieneve LARON: Died of sorrow over the loss of a “Dark Lover”
  35. Martin O. Rillera: Died in a BBQ Party when he sang “My Way” (btw it’s his birthday today)
  36. Sandie Lady B. Abuan: Died of Sore Eyes
  37. Reggie Cabuenas: Bicycle accident… Burnham Park. God Rest His Soul
  38. Jovilyn Crisca Nepomuceno: Died mysteriously from an unknown disease that pathologist are now calling “The Curly Haired Syndrome” <kulotis natayis sindromavels>
  39. John Paul G. Ireneo aka “Ahem, I’ll go inside na Sir”: Slipped in the bathroom while getting his Raincoat.
  40. Wiselyn Manio aka “Wise Man”: Died… of LOVE. (suspects are: ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ ) 😀

SPECIAL MENTIONS:

  1. Michael Tubera aka “Basti” or “Basticles”: Left before he could be Killed
  2. McErald Bacomo aka “McEBac”: Alive – out helping the poor, selling laptops, soliciting donations for the down-trodden

List of People Who did not die:

  1. Martin Eyking: Survived. (Rule 1: don’t ever kill the boss… even in Jest. Coz he can kill you… financially)
  2. Karen Churping aka Diyosa – because goddesses are immortal (even the sick ones)
  3. Jin Paul Arcilla: Survived only because I ran out of ideas
  4. Danny Abando and Aimee Lyn Dumantay: I don’t know you (yet) thus it would be unethical to kill you. (P.S.: We’ll find a way to Kill you next year. PROMISE! *evil laugh*)
  5. Jerico Parinas: MISSING. Some say he still works in the office but it’s too dark to actually verify
  6. Davidson Binwag: Survived and now acts as the mother of the late Ermae Bautista’s children

For better ideas on how people should have passed-away, write in the comments area below!

 

and ONCE AGAIN… THIS IS WRITTEN FOR HUMOROUS PURPOSES…. don’t take it personally… 😀